How Seeds Of Doubt Affect Women of Color Leaders in the Workplace

Have you ever noticed how quickly one moment can become a conclusion?

A meeting doesn't go the way you hoped.

A project hits a barrier.

Your supervisor questions a decision you made.

You receive feedback that catches you off guard.

Maybe it's fair.

Maybe it isn't.

Maybe it's meant to help you grow.

Maybe it's not.

But somehow, before you know it, you've gone from evaluating the situation to evaluating yourself.

"I should have handled that better."

"I missed something."

"I should have seen that."

"Maybe I'm not good enough for this role."

Most women don't walk around saying, "I'm not enough."

That's not usually how doubt sounds.

It shows up in the quiet conversations we have with ourselves after something doesn't go the way we expected.

That's a much bigger leap than most of us realize.

The Seeds of Doubt Don't Grow on Their Own

We aren't born questioning our worth.

Those seeds get watered.

They get watered over time by the messages we receive, the experiences we have, and the systems we work within.

They get watered when you're paid less than someone doing the same work.

They get watered when you're overlooked for opportunities you've earned.

They get watered when you're labeled "too aggressive" for behavior that's praised in someone else.

They get watered every time you're asked to prove something you've already demonstrated.

They get watered when your ideas aren't acknowledged until someone else repeats them.

They get watered when you're carrying expectations that others around you aren't expected to carry.

Over time, those experiences shape the stories we tell ourselves.

Then one difficult moment happens, and instead of seeing it as one moment, we begin seeing it as evidence of who we are.

One Moment Shouldn't Define You

One of the things I've noticed over the years is how quickly we reduce ourselves because of one experience.

A strategy doesn't work.

A conversation doesn't go well.

A decision doesn't have the outcome we hoped for.

Instead of asking,

"What can I learn from this?"

we start asking,

"What's wrong with me?"

Those are two very different questions.

One helps us grow.

The other slowly waters seeds of doubt that may have been planted a long time ago.

Not All Feedback Deserves the Same Authority

Feedback matters.

Good feedback helps us grow.

It challenges us.

It helps us become better leaders.

But not all feedback should carry the same weight.

Sometimes feedback reflects someone's experience.

Sometimes it reflects someone's expectations.

Sometimes it reflects bias.

Sometimes it reflects a leader who believes there's only one right way to lead because it's the way they would do it.

Discernment matters.

Before you allow feedback to become a belief about yourself, ask:

Is this helping me grow?

Or is this simply another message that's watering seeds of doubt?

There's a difference.

Learning to Recognize the Pattern

The moment things started changing for me wasn't because the messages stopped.

They didn't.

The watering didn't stop either.

What changed was my ability to recognize the pattern.

Over the course of my career, I worked in different institutions and began noticing that the same dynamics kept showing up.

Different people.

Different organizations.

Different circumstances.

Similar patterns.

Once I recognized the pattern, I stopped automatically assuming I was the problem.

Instead, I became more curious about the conditions I was navigating.

Recognition didn't eliminate every moment of doubt.

It changed what I did with it.

Five Places to Start

If you've been questioning yourself lately, here are five places to begin.

1. Listen to Your Self-Talk

Pay attention to what you say to yourself after something doesn't go as planned.

Are you reflecting on the situation?

Or are you questioning your worth?

2. Don't Let One Moment Become a Conclusion

One meeting doesn't define your leadership.

One setback doesn't erase years of experience.

One difficult conversation doesn't determine your value.

3. Look for the Pattern

Ask yourself:

Is this one isolated experience, or have I seen this pattern before?

Sometimes recognizing the pattern changes everything.

4. Practice Discernment

Not every piece of feedback deserves to become a belief.

Pause long enough to ask:

Is this true?

Is it useful?

What evidence do I have that supports or contradicts it?

5. Trust the Evidence

Don't allow one difficult moment to outweigh years of evidence about who you are as a leader.

Your impact.

Your relationships.

Your results.

Your integrity.

Those matter too.

One Last Thing

Please stop questioning yourself so much.

Not because you'll never make mistakes.

Not because you'll never have moments of doubt.

But because too many women have been taught to turn every challenge into a question about their worth.

The world may continue watering those seeds.

You don't have to keep watering them yourself.

Reflection

• After something doesn't go as planned, what's the first story you tell yourself?

• Are you evaluating the situation, or are you evaluating yourself?

• What evidence about your leadership have you overlooked because you've been listening to old messages?

  
  

About the Author

Debra Griffith, Ed.D. is an executive coach, leadership strategist, and founder of Do Better Executive Coaching. Through the Griffith Method, she helps women educators and women of color leaders recognize the conditions, patterns, and cultivated beliefs that shape their leadership so they can lead with greater clarity, confidence, and authenticity.